Wednesday, September 25, 2013

If only I had a million dollars..

That isn't going to happen anytime soon, so maybe I should stop dreaming! LOL I know that some would say stop going to college, but what others don't grasp is that their million dollars will eventually run out, and without a college degree they will get a crappy job, that can't even relatively keep up with the new spending habits they formed over the years.
Really, I don't know why I said any of the above, because it doesn't even deal with where I was going with this blog. Anywho, I was thinking to myself as I did my hw tonight, what are some little goodies I would buy for myself to make college a little more luxurious. None of these are dying needs, but rather things I will keep in mind if I get a little extra spending cash here and there.

1. Victoria Secret Hoodie/ Sweatshirt; I got mine on sale after Christmas last year and it is so dang comfy! (plus it is a lovely hot pink) Wearing a hoodie just seems comforting and appropriate when you do hw into the night, let alone if you live somewhere that is attracted to cool weather.

2. Water Filter Pitcher; Don't get me wrong, the water here isn't as bad as it could be, but it does not get very cold at all, plus you can just kinda taste....unfiltered things in it. The likelihood of me being overly dramatic is high, but still.

3. Digital Picture Frame; We all know how much I love my pictures! I seriously have like so much area covered by pictures. It would be nice if I used some of my wall area for things other then pictures. I would keep my cute clothes pink picture display, but maybe I would fix some of the photos around my desk wall/cubicle. A digital frame where I could upload as many pictures as I want to have on my desk would be amazing. Knowing me I would still put pictures up on my walls...hahaha

4. LOTS OF STAMPS! Getting mail makes me feel less homesick. I love getting mail from my family, friends and my mail art group! The chances of me getting lots of mail art are dependent on how much I send out sometimes, but I mean more stamps would give me another excuse to do something else I enjoy doing, ART!

5. Lap Top Sleeve; I bought one for freakin $30 on zazzle, and it said that 15 inch lap top sleeves stretch to fit up to 19 inch lap tops. Mine is a 15.6 inch, and within a week the sleeve was so tight and stretched out that one of the zippers broke, and it really isn't that user friendly right now. A cute one would be nice.

6. A Backpack..yup...I also spent $30 on one that is nice but it won't fit my laptop..... That is rather INCONVENIENT! I think that backpacks are a huge outlet for self expression during high school and college years. I mean it is something that you bring everywhere with you! For example, if you are walking in a hallway and can only see the backs of people, the chances of you recognizing a friend from their backpack is highly likely. That is my logic behind it at least.

7. Defroster; Having to cook for myself is weird enough, but I hate having to not only plan WAY ahead but also have to remember to put my meat from the freezer to the fridge overnight and through the day so I can cook with it for dinner... That defroster thing my mom had at home was a miracle worker.

8. More tights and leggings; I have a large amount already, but if I am going to be trekking in snow, or just being around cold weather, I am going to want to wear my dresses and skirts still! Only way to do this is with leggings and tights. Of course I would want a large variety in many colors to mix and match new outfits!

9. A portable garbage disposal; I doubt those exist, but if they did I would take out a loan to buy one! haha. The only major downfall to where I live is that there aren't garbage disposals. Family and friends know that I hate cleaning dishes when I have to deal with the soggy and wet food and such! Seriously I am gagging right now typing this. Having to scrap off as much as I can into the garbage ahead of time, then deal with the drain stopper and getting the extra soggy food out of that is just TOO GROSS! I think my roommates would also agree with me on the need for this invention...or the installation of garbage disposals in the IVY.

Lots of weird things I know! When I get some extra "dough" I may spread out buying these things. Well I think I am finally tired enough for bed. I was doing hw up until 30 minutes ago, and its hard to get myself back into my routine of studying and lots of homework. I am getting back up to par though!
I miss you guys!
With Love,
Ciara Ann

Saturday, September 21, 2013

End of the Week Thoughts

The whole work load thing is defiantly getting back into full swing. So far it isn't too hard. Most of my classes are government related, which is nice! IB has actually prepped me pretty well, because the workload that my classmates think is difficult is a walk in the park for me.
Thinking of a walk in the park.. I wanted to show you the prettiest place on campus ever! It is the Ricks Gardens (I think) and it is so peaceful and lovely. Like so lovely. That is the place I imagine myself escaping to if I need to think or want to draw! It covers a pretty large area that is intertwined together, so here are just a few pictures of different parts of this mystic place.

See what I mean?! Beautiful! That little house also has a rocking chair and swing bench! So cute!!!! 
Being away is weird, and something I am adjusting to. I have 5 wonderful roommates, which I am very blessed with! They are all 5 wonderful ladies! We have some fun adventures. 
The odd part for me is having to try to meet new people. I have gotten so used to having all of friends from High School, that I knew I always had someone to make plans with. I tried being friends with lots of people, so I was never lacking an opportunity to have plans. Here, I have a few selected few and its work to meet new people! LOL
FROYO run with my roommates
Plus I miss my IB community and our comfort level with each other. Sometimes in class, I just expect someone to answer or make a comment about something, but then I realize they aren't there. It's odd. Not having my mom there to help with all the little things is odd too, like having to get my blood drawn without her the other day was SCARY! The lady asked if I was alright because I looked pale/flushed, and was shaky. My response? "I have never had my blood drawn without my mommy before!" I have a calling at church, a pretty big one in fact! I'll wait to announce that till a little later.
I have ward council tomorrow morning than church so I am off to bed. 
With Love,
Ciara Ann

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

The Big Reveal

I finally got around to taking photos of my dorm so I can show you where I am calling home! I didn't take pictures of the kitchen or living room. I wanted to save those for a later date!

Let's not lie, I have an AMAZING bedroom at home, or better known as Ciara's interpretation of heaven! LOL So my mom and I had to bring the comfort elements of this into my new dorm.

This is what you see from the door. I am the side by the window because we all know CIARA NEEDS HER AIR!

This is my bed. The quilt was made for me by my Grandma Nemnich and it served as the "muse" for the room, meaning that everything as pastel and/or floral to match. I do have some more pillows on the way from Colorado.

 Behind my bed, as you could see in the previous picture, is my little picture wall. We all know how much I love pictures and I wouldn't be able to make a place a home without photos of the people who make me smile! We just used twine and my mom glitter-fied clothes pins for me to hang the pictures with.

Next to my bed is my night stand cart from Ikea. This has been a college dorm must for me since last year. I knew I wanted it because it is good for extra space to place little things. My daddy bought it for me. I used a command hook to hang a piece of art I got from an artist on the Sante Fe Art District. The lamp was made by my mom.

To the right of my cart is my wall of accessories. At home I had my headband organizer and necklace organizer of such. I knew I wanted to bring the same concept with me because I like seeing my jewelry laid out for me to pic from day to day. 

 For this my mom and I used an old lacey vest and an embroidery hoop. I got the vest from the thrift store thinking I could make it work, but I couldn't. That's okay, I found a new use for it as my dangle earring holder. Of course there is my clock. I haven't changed the time on it yet to be correct. I might want to do that soon because there is no point of having a clock without the right time. I brought my bow clip holder from home to use.

 We found an old sewing floss holder. (I know I'm calling it the wrong thing but I can't think of the name). It worked perfect for hanging necklaces. In case I haven't mentioned it, all these things are hung with commander hooks.

Right in front of my bed is my desk and closet. This is my desk; it also has a light built into the cubical so I can still work on hw if my roommate is going to bed or something. 

 On the left side, kinda by where I sit is where I hung up a cool magnet board I got as a graduation gift, along with a piece of art from the Denver Modernism Show, and my favorite pictures with my best friends.

My closet! Above there is so much room for storage! For right now I just have my scarves, hats, and purses in the green storage bins. My crafting/art bag is up there as well.

 On my roommates side, by the door, there are two bookcases. We each get one. The two shelves below the drawers have all of my solid color shirts that I mix in with outfits. One drawer is used for PJ clothes and the other for underclothing. Then I store some more jewelry, mementos, and pictures on the rest of the shelves.

 Now that is it for my bedroom. It is wonderful though! So much space! To think I brought a trailer and still have room for more things if I wanted.
Now this is one of the bathrooms. There are 2 in total, so three girls per bathroom. This is the vanity part. I seem to use most of the counter space.......

Inside the door is the toilet and shower. I brought the stuff for this bathroom, so you bet it is pink! I think the shower curtain and bath mats are too cute!

I hope you enjoyed this little tour. I love how much I brought myself into my dorm. Maybe it will make the homesick days a little bit better.

With love,
Ciara Ann

Monday, September 16, 2013


So I can't hide the fact that I loved American Government and history. I mean I am majoring in secondary education with an emphasis in American Government! I did dread signing up for a class that starts at 7:45 everyday, but having it be American Government gives me a reason to be excited when I wake up.
In fact most of my classes are history/politics related. I am used to sharing very different views from my peers. I am excited to be in a government class where most share the same opinion and values. 
I thought it was so cool today that my teacher connected the scriptures to our first unit on the Constitution (my favorite topic!). He read from D&C 134:9, 101:77&80.
I encourage you to read them if you have time. BYUI is just very patriotic in general. In the main building there is a wall/memorial for all the BYUI alumni who have died serving our country. I am so grateful when I walk by that for not only their service, but for being in a school who appreciates their dedication to our country just as much as I do.
I never talked much about an adventure I went on this summer called Labor of Love. Labor of Love is a service group that is based on the principles of hope, faith, and charity. I will provide the youtube link so you can learn more about it and its background. This group is spreading across the country and making a change everywhere they can. Being apart of it this summer was amazing and something I plan to continue. I have ideas running in my head of holding a Labor of Love BYUI event! That would be pretty great, so it might be time to start praying for ideas of possible service opportunities. 

With Love,
Ciara Ann

Sunday, September 15, 2013

First Weekend

Taylor Hall
Hey guys! I finally had time to sit down and blog, plus I didn't really have much to talk about at those points. Don't worry I will still be posting pics of my dorm. I wanted to touch upon how grateful I am to be going to a church school. Growing up in a small ward I sometimes felt like I wasn't getting the full Mormon experience. It wasn't anybody's fault, just how it happened.
I was excited to attend BYUI to hang around people my age who all share the same standards as myself. Plus there would be the cheesy activities mixed with spiritual moments that I have been wanting.
Since the whole school is generally LDS, there are SO MANY wards. The school breaks you up into wards depending on what housing you live in. I know for sure that there are over 130 wards on the campus. Since there are so many wards not everyone can meet in "Taylor Hall." Taylor Hall is where the nice chapel is located, and it is also where the religious courses are taken.
It is very common for a ward to meet and partake of the sacrament in a classroom. I feel like I wouldn't be able to  be reverent in a BIO classroom because I would be too busy stressing the whole time or distracted by the posters! LOL
Luckily for me, I get to attend church in Taylor Hall and take advantage of the beautiful chapel. I enjoyed my first day of church and I can't wait for over opportunities
With Love,
Ciara Ann

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Welcome to IDAHO!

So I am here, in my hotel until move in day on Friday. We spent a fabulous day in the good old mazada. Well I would drop the good part, so we spent the day in the old Mazada. I thought that since I am not acquainted with my town yet, Ill just give you some cool quick facts on Idaho.

Crazy Laws

  • In Boise, you may not fish from a giraffe's back.
  • In Coeur d Alene, Idaho, if a police officer approaches a vehicle and suspects that the occupants are engaging in sex, he must either honk, or flash his lights and wait for three minutes before approaching the car.

Other Facts;
  • Rigby is known as the birthplace of television since it is Philo T. Farnsworth's hometown. Farnsworth pioneered television technology
  • Under Idaho law only two forms of city government are allowed: a mayor/councilor or a council/manager form.
  • In Idaho law forbids a citizen to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds.
  • The first alpine chairlift was used in Sun Valley. In 1936 the fee was 25 cents per ride.
  • Idaho's state seal is the only one out of the 50 states to be designed by a women.

I am sure that one day on that list it will say, "President Ciara Neill attended college in Rexburg, Idaho as a cool fact!  ;)

With Love,
Ciara Ann

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Internet Connection

So I was trying this whole blog thing, but right in the middle of my 4th time filming it my internet connection was cut out. Very frustrating. It kinda ruined my idea, but whatever. HATERS GONNA HATE!
I don't have a backup plan, and I am too tired to think of one. I just wanted to check in before I got to sleep. It will be a long time before I am sleeping in my bed again.I think I am road trip ready, but not college ready! LOL
"Maybe its sad these are just memories now and maybe its not."
With Love,
Ciara Neill

Swiss Miss Hot CoCo

I came across this today by accident and I am so glad I did. I had a great summer with Zach and already have so many fun things planned for when I return!! A lot of family and other friends haven't met Zach so they may not get why I just love being around him. We tried to make a web show once, but we only got to one episode but in the future I think we plan to make some more here and there.
Watch this video and you will get why Zach is one of my best friends. I can be so random with this kid and he gets my humor so much.

I feel like I can quote this video for the next month. Just something fun and random to share. All of my friends are put in my life for a reason, and I think Zach's reason is to teach me that it is possible to get back on your feet when life/people knock you down. Seriously this kid inspired me when I met him, because he would ride the bus so early to get to school. He still continues to do that to this day! If more people had the personality of Zach, everyone would feel important and they would live longer from laughing so much (apparently laughing more helps people live longer).
I hope you can be as lucky as me to find a friend as awesome as Zach in your life!
With Love,
Ciara Ann

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Just another reason to love Pinterest

Anyone who knows me knows that I love and take great pride in my jewelry. I am not a shoe person, but my obsession with my jewelry makes up for it. One presented challenge for me was that I needed to find a way to pack my necklaces without them getting tangled. 
I was first going to put them in their own individual plastic baggies, but then it can just make a mess worse and get tangles within itself. Moral of the story, I was on a hunt. As always, Pinterest was no disappointment. I saw this idea, so I gave it a try and it was perfect! I thought I would share it with you all!

You first need some straws. You thread one end through the straw as so; 

Then you fasten the clip and it won't tangle together. I still had pendents and such of different lengths that could get tangled together. I personally took is a step further and taped the rest of the chain to the straw so it can't dangle and still risk getting tangled. 

Then you get this lovely product! 

I still had many more to thread through the straws but I recruited a helper who kept me busy so I didn't have time to get sad. It mostly gives me someone to chatterbox away too, giving me distraction since I am too busy talking to focus on what I am actually doing as I talk. Does that make sense? Hahahaha 
At the end of packing those and other things I had to say goodbye to my summer buddy. Literally, I spent so much time with this kid. I dragged him along everywhere and I think my summer would have been way less adventurous without him! So very thankful for him <3

With Love, 
Ciara Ann

Friday, September 6, 2013

Bucket List

I was stumped about what to blog about today. I did google searches on ideas and none of the ideas sounded good, but there was one on blogging about something you learned from a book. I was thinking about the books I have packed up to take with me, and it hit me that I packed my bucket list! This is something pretty unique to have at 18, so I wanted to share it with you guys!

Bucket List

I am not going anywhere any time soon, so no need to fear! I actually started my bucket list at age 8 when my oldest friend, Anna, called me. I don't know why she started one, but her ideas really got me excited to start one. I kept it in one journal until 4 years ago, when I transferred it to the one I have now. Don't worry, things I had completed were checked off still in the new copy! 

On the left side pages, I record if I completed something on my bucket list, when it happened, and minor details. On the right is where I keep my actual bucket list. On occasion I add things to my bucket list, because of course as we get older our desires change. I never take anything off that I may have added when I was younger. 

Surprise Party, check

Some of the things on my list are normal life experiences almost everyone goes through.For example, when I first started this whole thing I added get my first job. Other ones include places I want to visit before I die or crazy things I want to try. 

So what are some of the things I completed so far on my bucket list?
Throw a Surprise Party for Someone (Konner's Going Away Party, Summer 2010. He also never ended up moving)
Find a Gay Best Friend (my official gay bff was found freshman year, but now I have to many! LOL)
Gay Best Friends, check
Go To A Club (one of the first items added when I was 8, and just completed this summer)
Get Flowers From A Guy (the guy I was dating brought flowers to my bus stop for my 15th bday)
Get Braces (why did I ever want braces?!)
Go to a Rave (Skylab w/ Zach, June 2010. Not something I would do again! lol)

I have completed more, but these are just some of them, so you could get an idea! Here are some I have on my bucket list that are still waiting to be completed! 
  • Go to NYC (hmm..seems I posted a blog post on this)
  • Meet Hilary Duff 
  • Learn how to DJ
  • Have a best friend for 20 years
  • Own a fluffy white cat
  • Be vegan for 2 months
  • Visit Brazil with Bruna
  • Go to a nail salon w/o them bugging me to let them do my eyebrows
  • Get married
  • Cook dinner for friends at my first home
  • Get a book published
  • Complete 10 sketchbooks
  • Getting Flowers from a boy, check
  • Slide down a railing

The list could go on and on! Think about what you want to accomplish in your life! Jot it down, because I personally think nothing is better then accomplishing/experiencing a childhood desire! Everybody has extra journals that are not being used, so grab one and start completing your list!

With Love,
Ciara Ann 

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Things To Know About Me

I wanted to come up with a quirky bio or something amusing to post on my blog that would give my future roommates and future friends some more info about me. I thought it would just be better to go to the people who know me best and ask them what others should know about me. These were their responses. 

Konner's response was first "you hate Obama" but it was quickly followed up with a serious answer of "photography, family (this includes my closest friends), and religion are the cornerstones of my life."

Ashley's: "Tell them they can be as loud and obnoxious as they want when you are sleeping because nothing they do will wake you up."

Sam (aka Bennett), "They need to read Perks of Being a Wallflower then watch the movie."

Amanda, "You enjoy going to 3oh!3 concerts."

Abby, "You will only eat Taco Bell if all the damn lettuce is picked out."

My friend who has known me for the longest time (since I was 4) and knows me best, Anna, said, "You are fantastic at exaggerating stories, yet are a terrible liar. You tend to put your foot in your mouth. You can find humor in any situation. You are a great friend. You are afraid of naked people. You are a bad singer but an awesome dancer."

I agree with all those statements, but I have a few commentaries to add! LOL

  1. I do not like Obama, and I make it known through my humor.
  2. I am glad that family and religion are commonly known priorities.
  3. I do love photography for both the ability it has to pause a moment in time (and act as a way of recording history) and for how it can make people feel. I am known for my love of photography and it has me thinking maybe I should do it in college. 
  4. I have a pretty small family, and I was raised that your best friends become your family.
  5. I am a pretty heavy sleeper, and why Ashley says that is because on our Senior Trip we had 4 alarms going off, at the same time, people talking, lights were on, and I still didn't wake up. I have always been like that.
  6. I am obsessed with Perks of Being a Wallflower.
  7. I have only ever been to one 3oh!3 concert (sadly), but I love going to concerts and I have been to many.
  8. I love Taco Bell, but nothing can have tomatoes, onions or lettuce. Abby learned this the hard way when she got me a taco with lettuce and I wouldn't eat it unless she picked it all out.
  9. I only exaggerate to add comic value
  10. When I lie my eyebrows twitch
  11. I tend to not have a filter sometimes, or I just don't care enough and I just say what is on my mind. This tends to have me put my foot in my mouth.
  12. I find everything funny, simple enough.
  13. Anna was apart of my phase when I wanted to be a popstar, and I quickly learned that was never going to happen. I don't think I am a good dancer either, but I am better at that then singing (not hard to do). I do enjoy dancing though. 

Those are the big things about me! I think it is a pretty good description of me from the people who know me best. I am excited to meet my roommates in a week and see how our personalities will blend, and hopefully we all become friends, I really do!
With Love,
Ciara Ann

Video on Staying Safe and Sound

So facebook wouldn't let me upload this video because the song clip is longer than 30 seconds. So I didn't want it to go unposted. This is for all those who have kept me safe and sound and contributed to who I am today.
With Love,
Ciara Ann

Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Soundtrack to my Summer

I am most defiantly one of those people who can easily have their memory triggered by a song. Certain songs take me back to certain times in my life. For example, Down by Jason Derulo and Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship instantly takes me back to my freshman year. It is no secret that I went out a lot this summer, so between that and the normal background noise created from the radio, I have a lot of songs that I think will trigger my memory to this summer. I would like to consider these songs the soundtrack to my summer.

1. I Need Your Love by Calvin Harris ft Ellie Goulding

2. Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke

3. Can't Hold Us by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

4. Hall of Fame by The Script ft.

5. Feel This Moment by Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera

6. Radioactive by Imagine Dragon

7. Clarity by Zedd ft. Foxes

8. Work Hard Play Hard by David Guetta

9. The Way by Mac Miller ft. Ariana Grande

10. Applause by Lady GaGa (this wasn't till the end of my summer, but it is still perfect)

Summer of 2013 has my heart for so many reasons as it was the summer of many first and many last. What songs would you put on your summer 2013 mix tape?

With Love,
Ciara Ann

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Balancing the Scale

I have been full of scared/negative emotions that seem to be tipping the scale. Tonight I was doing what I do best, not packing, and I found some things that actually have me excited to go to leave in a week! So maybe me not doing what I need to be doing is okay, well in my head at least! It is time to balance the scale and share what I am excited about!

I have heard of Universities having performers and students being able to go at a discounted price. Honestly, I thought all BYUI had to offer in that department was either the Mormon Tabernacle Choir or David Archuleta (which I have seen both). Not going to lie here, I am kinda bummed that CSU and CU have already had Malkamore & Ryan Lewis at their schools and I can pretty much guarantee that the opportunity too see them perform in Rexburg will never happen. I did pleasantly stumbled across the news that Kris Allen (8th Season American Idol Winner) will be at my campus. I found tickets in the dead center section for only $10, and I am sure that having money in my account will be a rare occasion.
You see I always get ready in the mornings with music (well at least until I just skipped the getting ready part all together senior Sometimes I would listen to my IPOD, the radio, ect. I went through this stage my freshman year where I got ready to VH1 playing music videos every morning. They were always the same popular songs for that section of time so needless to say the songs they did play I know very well. One of them was "Live Like You're Dying" by Kris Allen. Ever since then it has been a song that I really enjoy as it brings back a feeling of nostalgia to that great time in my life. Monique and I will most def enjoy this.

Another reason I am excited? MASQUERADE BALL! Being a victim of today's modern world, Masquerade Balls are not allowed, at least for all the schools around me. The whole mask thing raises so many ridiculous "what ifs" about safety. Needless to say I have been robbed from this experience. You see, back in my younger years I was obsessed with Hilary Duff. Seriously this is no joke, like I threw a birthday party for her with my friends. Ever since I saw Cinderella Story for the first time, and all 1465416 times after that, I have dreamed of going to a Masquerade Ball. Now I finally have my chance.

I only have two physical classes a day that I must actually drag myself out of my apartment to go to. One is everyday at 7:30 in the morning and the other one switches every other day. Then I have two ongoing online classes. Needless to say, I am a happy camper about that.

My list may not be endless yet, but hopefully as each day comes it can become lengthier and lengthier. I think I may need to fold my laundry now, so Ciara is out!
With Love,
Ciara Ann

My Sketch Book

My fellow IB art students will know what I am talking about, but our sketch books (or better known as IWB) were emphasized as a crucial part of our art journey. It isn't only for drawing out new ideas, but to record inspiration, artist research, and document the process through each of our pieces. This was really something I enjoyed, so I filled up two sketchbooks. Here are some pages from my past two sketchbooks, so you get a better idea on what I am talking about!

There is no need is hiding the fact that my art has improved so much over my last 2 years in high school. My thinking process as an artist evolved, as well as my inspirations. As you go through my sketch books you can see this change. It really is like a journal for me. You can see my interest change as my subjects for my pieces change. Even though I am out of IB art I still want to keep a sketch book with me that I can use to document such inspirations and artistic processes. My oldest friend, Anna, and I went to Micheals so I could get my new sketch book. We both chose one with plain white covers so we could decorate the covers as we wish.
Towards the end of my senior year I got into stencils and working with an exacto knife, so I knew I wanted to make a stencil to paint on the front cover. I made a drawing over the summer of a flowly dress becoming the waves of the ocean, and this is the concept I wanted to put on the front. Here was the original first draft idea where I was just starting to test this concept.

I originally had the a scarf draped on the girl, and the scarf acted as the horizon for sunset. I decided to abandon this and what the front cover turned out like is on the left. I wanted to continue the dress unto the back cover, so when you opened it, the design was continues. Here is the final product.

I love the turnout, and I am excited to continue my art journey! Don't worry, I have already gotten to work recording my summer art journey full of furthering my portrait photography skills and diving into digital art!

With Love,
Ciara Ann


Today could have been better. I got some stuff packed, gathered up my art stuff that I am taking with me, finished editing senior pictures, and made a stencil design for my sketch book. (I'll do a different post on this later)

This whole day I have had a headache and been sick to my stomach. In just about a week, I will be on my way to Idaho. As I have said so many times before I am so scared. This is making me just one hot mess, well maybe drop the hot part. Pretty much just a mess. I feel like I have been distant, lazy, sensitive, and emotionally drained because of it. 

In the mist of all this I wanted to find a quote or song that was about what I am feeling. This was one of the first results on google, and it couldn't be more perfect; "They key to change is to let go of fear."

I hate change beyond explanation. I also have a lot of fears, and those fears happen to evolve around moving away and the social changes that can come with it. I fear that my best friends will move on and that I will be replaced because I can't be there for them, due to distance. I fear that I won't be able to manage my own life, like an adult should. I fear that I won't accomplish my aspirations in life. I fear that some of my goodbyes will be permanent. 

No matter how much my friends and family reassure me these possibilities are not likely to happen, I still struggle with not letting these define me. We all have fears, some are serious and some are not, but they are real and steadfast. Being rational about the fear is impossible. For example, spiders do not scare me at all. I don't get why they freak others out. I mean, our feet are like 100 times bigger than the spider, so we have all the power and can easily squish it. Does this lessen the feeling the one afraid of spiders feels? No. 
Same thing with my fears of growing up and going away. 

I am such an outgoing person, and I know that I have things going for me. I have experienced lots of times in life where I couldn't imagine being in a state of tranquility again, both for huge struggles and sometimes over little dramatic issues. Clearly I have made it through, and my life is still fantastic. I have great memories and experiences, along with amazing people I have shared them with. I now this will be just another one of those times, but for now I'm living in a state of fear.

This will pass, I promise. For now, I must take it one breathe, one box, one task, one class, and one day at a time. I will be looking forward to the day when I can look back and laugh at myself for overreacting so much. My mom gave me an infinity ring for my past birthday, and inside she had engraved, "Keep Calm and ...." Keep Calm and Carry On is one of my favorite things, and I love the variations that are created with it. My mom knows me best, and staying calm is something that I will always need to be reminded of in my life. How stay calm is what will vary. Right now, I will Keep Calm and Breathe. Life can purpose struggles, and we must remember those who love us. People who love one another can fight, they can laugh, and they can cry. Luckily I have experienced all the above with those who mean something to me.

Lots of random thoughts, but is something that is just as important to document among the transitions from one chapter into the other.

With Love,
Ciara Ann